Dealing with your parents’ divorce is not a cake walk. Perhaps one of the main things bothering you emotionally is unforgiveness. Its easy when divorce happens to want to place blame on someone or even on yourself. You may think that if you had done something different, your parents wouldn’t be divorcing. Or perhaps you might place the blame on your mom because you think if she had just been more understanding to your dad, your family might not be falling apart.
In these situations, its easy to place blame and point fingers. You might want to hold a grudge to one parent or maybe even both. You find yourself being upset at them and wishing that things were different. So how do you begin working through these feelings of unforgiveness?
The first thing to do is forgive yourself. Your parent’s decision to divorce most likely had nothing to do with you. You’ve got to realize that you are not to blame. You have to let go of those thoughts that come and make you think that the divorce was all your fault. That is simply not true. You have got to choose to line your thoughts up with God’s word and choose to think on the truth. The truth in this situation is that your parents are divorcing because of reasons outside of you and your control. It is not your fault, so don’t listen to the lies that say it is.
Secondly, you’ve got to let go of any unforgiveness that you’re holding against others. You might blame your mom, or your dad for the divorce. And while it may be one of their faults, you’ve got to look past that. You’ve got to choose to forgive your parents for getting a divorce. You’ve got to choose to not dwell on their shortcomings but rather love them with God’s love.
The Bible talks about forgiveness in Matthew 18. There it tells us that we are to forgive and keep forgiving time and time again.
At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, “Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?” Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven. – Matthew 18:21-22
We are to forgive and keep forgiving. No matter what happens. No matter how much your parents don’t deserve it, we are told to keep forgiving.
One of the most important steps to overcoming after divorce is learning to forgive. Forgiveness will keep your heart right and keep you from getting bitter toward others. Choose to follow what God’s word says and forgive others and yourself.
Check out this book: Abba: Finding Comfort in the Father After Your Parents’ Divorce it deals with a lot of the emotions that you have to work through after a divorce and offers good advice and ways to allow God to help you heal after the pain of your parent’s divorce.